We don’t talk about self-care for writers nearly enough. If you read my newsletter, you know I’m looking for a publisher for one book and an agent for another. This means I want to publish in a market everyone says is one of the most difficult times to publish a book.
All of this translates into a longer and rockier road to getting published.
My book, “The Rejection Handbook” is having trouble. The irony of being rejected for a book on rejection doesn’t escape me, either. My awesome agent Lisa is surprised my book hasn’t been picked up yet. Maybe it’s timing. Maybe it’s the market.
I want you to know that what I’m experiencing is a normal part of the publishing process. ???? These truths may feel discouraging, but I share them to prepare you — because the road to getting published involves far more rejection than acceptance and often requires years of painstaking work.
Some people get lucky and it happens quickly.
Most of us, not so much.
I also know that the pains of the process often lead many writers to shy away and not even try, so here’s a reminder we all need: Publishing is only one side of the writing life.
Dare to face rejection ❌ (All the greats do!)
Self-care for writers is knowing that publishing isn’t everything, though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about it.
I often hear writers say they don’t really care if they publish. When I hear this, I know it’s not true — it’s something people say out of fear.
???? Fear they’ll be rejected.
???? Fear of not being good enough. |
???? General fear of a process that feels too big and overwhelming to even know where to begin.
It’s easy to believe that publishing is the final measure of your writing. But it isn’t.
When an editor says no to your pitch, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. If an agent sends a form letter saying no to your query, it doesn’t mean your book isn’t worth reading.
Author of the highly-acclaimed books, “The Parted Earth” and “Southbound: Essays on Identity, Inheritance and Social Change,” Anjali Enjeti spent 10 years trying to publish, going through two agents and two different books.
Plus, before she found a publishing home with Sourcebooks, more than 70 publishers rejected photographer and author Lola Akinmade’s book, “In Every Mirror She’s Black.” I had the honor of working with Lola on her initial drafts of the book and heard the various rejections throughout the process of submitting it to publishers.
Another example of how one writer engages in self-care: Author and public speaker Deesha Philyaw’s debut book “The Secret Lives of Church Ladies” was rejected by all the “Big Five” publishers before finally getting picked up by West Virginia University Press. The book then went on to crush sales records and win awards that had never before been won by a university press book.
Notice a trend here? Publishing your writing goes hand-in-hand with a huge amount of wondering and waiting. The self-care part includes freeing yourself from letting it consume you!
While rejection can be a wonderful way to receive the feedback you need to edit, the rejections publishers send are often hard to define. Sometimes they say they don’t connect with the book, or “it wasn’t what they hoped it would be.” Or, “I couldn’t get into it.” Or something else that gives you little to understand whether it’s you or them.
Rejection is painful, but please don’t let it be the reason you stop writing or trying to publish. Share on X Rejection is painful, but please don’t let it be the reason you stop writing or trying to publish. Every writer I know, including myself, has faced far more rejection and failure than success — so much so that success doesn’t exist without a hell of a lot of experiences of having your work turned down. (Over and over and over.)
In fact, if you’re not being rejected, you’re likely doing something wrong. Or there’s magic involved.
Rejection and publishing ????: Toughing out the inseparable duo
Anjali’s difficult experience prompted her to ask, “Don’t we deserve to remain whole during the process of getting our writing into the world?”
We do, and that’s one-half of self-care for writers. How do you allow yourself to continue to be whole, enjoy the writing process, and believe in yourself even as the publishing world says no?
???? You keep going, and you do the work. And that, folks, is the other half. Self-care for writers means doing the work to keep you on your writer’s journey AND allowing yourself space to grow and learn on that path — because you won’t always get it right. That’s just part of the process.
Imagine if any one of these three fabulous writers I mention here let the vagaries of publishing determine the value of their work and stopped.
All the work Anjali did for years before a publisher said yes — e.g., submitting articles, applying for fellowships and residencies, writing a column — helped her create her platform, make connections and create a space for her writing to thrive when it finally burst into the world.
But when you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to ignore the rejection — I get it. It’s hard not to let it seep under your skin and become a measure of your worth, particularly when you see others doing what you want to do with seeming ease.
However, this age-old adage is rarely wrong: Comparison is the thief of joy.
It’s a saying I think about often, ???? because the second you compare your big picture with someone else’s good news, you suck the happiness from your own life.
After all, how do you expect to do your work when you have no joy? How can you concentrate when you’re busy looking at what other people are doing?
This kind of thinking feeds imposter syndrome and kills the dreams that wait for you at the end of the frustrating road.
To remain whole throughout this journey, you have to make a choice to believe so strongly in your vision that you remain unshakeable in the face of rejection.
My book, “The Writer’s Roadmap: Paving the Way To Your Ideal Writing Life,” can help you do this. It begins by helping you create a clear vision for your writing life — one that includes the kind of writing you want to do and the kind of life you want to live as guided by your core values.
Believe in your vision — even when publishers disagree
A recent Slate article about Deesha’s road to publishing “The Secret Lives of Church Ladies” discusses her vision:
“Philyaw, for her part, worried that a book as ‘unapologetically Black’ as hers might have difficulty even finding a publisher. Her stories are populated by Black people, are set within and adjacent to varied Southern Black church communities, and center the intellectual and emotional lives of Black women.
But she refused to change that vision because the publishing world or anyone else might not see her same vision. In fact, she expected to be rejected unless she changed.
Philyaw braced herself: for outright rejection, perhaps, or for editors asking her to make her book less Black. ‘I was the one who would have to live with it,’ she said. ‘I needed it to be a book I loved.’”
This is exactly how you need to believe in the work you do, and love it so much that you continue in spite of what the world around you says.
How? By doing the work.
???? Businessman, entrepreneur and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar said, “Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be. If we do our best, we are a success.”
I write about how to do this in my book, “The Rejection Handbook.” (Yup, the one that’s currently being rejected by publishers.) Plus, I do it every day in The Workshop, my online writing mentorship community.
I created my Workshop community because I know how important it is to have people around you to support you and cheer you on as you do your work.
I share my rejections with you not because I feel discouraged or defeated — although I have my moments — but to let you know I follow my own advice.
I’m focusing on The Workshop, my writing, pitching and building my platform. I do the work, because I love doing it, and I know that as long as I keep going, I’ll see my vision through and get where I want to go.
And so will you. ✨
Publishing self-care: What does ‘doing the work’ look like?
I’ve already said that I believe writers want to publish. But where, when, and how you publish is another question.
The publishing industry is big, wide and overwhelming. It inspires daunting questions like…
???? Where do you start?
???? How do you decide what to do?
???? Should you traditionally publish or self-publish?
???? And once you decide, how do you actually pave a path to publishing?
The answers to these questions are different for everyone. ???? It all depends on how you envision the big picture of your writing life.
To help you answer some of these questions and find your own way to publish, check out these publishing self-care resources.
1. Create your vision and make a plan
First, you have to know what you want from your writing life, because you can’t get where you’re going if you don’t have a destination.
You can check out my book, “The Writer’s Roadmap: Paving the Way To Your Ideal Writing Life,” or take my free 4-part e-mail course that walks you through your plan.
2. Know your options
Once you know what you want, it’s time to get to know your publishing options. Author and publishing expert Jane Friedman has this wonderful graphic called The Key Book Publishing Paths. It’s updated regularly, and you’ll see new information for 2021-2022.
While you may not know quite yet which path to choose, you can familiarize yourself with the options. And by the way, it’s OK to be unsure of what you want, particularly if you’re still writing your book or putting together your plan.
Give yourself time and space to decide what’s right for you — there’s no rush.
3. Familiarize yourself with marketing
Kate McKean, an agent and vice president at Morhaim Literary Agency, publishes an excellent newsletter to keep writers in-the-know about finding an agent and publishing opportunities.
She covers topics such as what aspects of marketing are your job (and the parts your publisher is responsible for), why a platform is important and more. You can subscribe for the free version here.
4. Build your author platform
That’s a perfect segue to my next resource: Yes, marketing and creating your platform are very much an author’s job, and it’s something you can do even before you finish your book. There are many ways to market yourself while you’re writing your book — I even wrote a blog post about it, which you can check out for ideas.
You don’t have to do everything all at once. Start by trying one marketing tactic and see how it works for you. Rather than be on all the social media networks pumping out loads of content every hour of the day, master and grow an audience on one platform you actually enjoy.
Remember: It’s more important to be consistent and broadcast a clear message that’s true to you and your work.
???? The key to marketing is to find the people who want to hear your message and create your own community — that way, when you introduce yourself and your community to publishers, they see who you are and what you and your vision bring to the table.
5. Adopt the right mindset
One reason publishing self-care is so important is because of how many times the industry may try to tell you you’re not good enough. You’ll face failure and rejection on your path to publication — there’s no way around it, unfortunately, or the insecurity you may often feel. I’ve never met a published author who didn’t feel the same way at least at some point. That’s why getting into the right mindset is crucial.
To start, check out this TED Talk about why you don’t get what you want. (It’s not what you think.)
Another one that’s worth a watch is Mary Morrisey’s TED Talk. In The Hidden Code For Transforming Dreams Into Reality, she talks about meeting Nelson Mandela and asking him how he went from being in prison for decades to becoming the president of South Africa. How does that work?
6. The real publishing self-care for writers? Give yourself time and space to do the work
Finally, remember that publishing is a process, and you can only control so much of it.
Hopeful authors, doing the work is the only writing advice you’ll ever need. It’s really the only advice you’ll need for anything in life. ✨ Because when you do a bit at a time and continue to push toward your goals, you will get there.
If you’d like to work with me as you create your vision, consider joining my workshop! If you’re looking for a group of writers to offer feedback and cheer you on as you walk this complicated path, we’re here to support you and your publishing self-care.
