I’ve always considered myself a natural at receiving and giving writing feedback. After all, I have years of experience both giving and getting feedback on my writing. I appreciate solid writing feedback, because I know it improves my craft.
In fact, I’m disappointed when someone just says “Hey, I love this!” without any comments to improve. So when I read the book Thanks for The Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, I was shocked to find myself almost freaking out before the end of the first chapter.
I started reliving all the different times in my life I’d received feedback in different ways and how it made me feel small, incompetent and anxious.
When it comes to my writing, I appreciate any feedback because helps me see my writing more clearly. The feedback that stings, though relates to running my business or to me personally, such as the feedback people gave me on my Creative Revolution retreat. Some people said there wasn’t enough structure.
Others say they wanted less structure. Some people want me to force them to sit down to write.
Others prefer I leave them alone to write as they please. How does one balance the various streams of feedback that criticize our best work and at times contradict?
Why is feedback so painful?
Hearing about problems with our work too often feels like we’re being told we’re flawed and wrong. I realized why this is one day when helping my daughter with her homework. She had been having a hard time understanding the teacher’s lessons, and quite frankly, part of the problem was the teacher.
She wasn’t clear and would often mark something as incorrect when the class book said otherwise. When Lila asked her about it, the teacher didn’t respond.
We’re taught that teachers give feedback. We receive it.
They correct us, but there is no way to respond. There’s no discussion and there’s no way to have an equal give and take.
Fast forward, and we bristle at feedback after a lifetime of what feels like criticism with no recourse. We feel blamed and at fault.
Not to mention most people don’t know how to give feedback. Too often, people aren’t careful with the words they choose or they allow their own emotions to get involved.
When feedback hurts, it’s difficult to take the good that helps you grow and ignore the part that feels so damn shitty.
Why bother with writing feedback?
When you receive advice, you’re given a window into your work that you wouldn’t have seen on your own. When you give feedback to others, you strengthen your own editing and critiquing muscles. Share on X
I always say the best way to improve your own writing is to read and comment on other people’s writing. It gives you the distance you need to see the shape of a piece of writing we often miss with our own writing because we’re too close to it. The more practice you have commenting other people’s writing, the easier it is to gain that critical distance from your own writing.
How to give feedback without making someone’s head explode
Feedback isn’t a quality judgment.
Feedback isn’t about what you like or don’t like, it’s about what’s working or not working.
As you read, you’ll find spots you don’t understand or conflict from other parts of the writing. Focus on the sections that aren’t working and put into words exactly why not.
Is a character’s reaction not believable? Is the plot moving too fast or too slowly?
Is the pacing off? Or something else.
Find the spots that are working, too, and explain clearly why they work for you.
Ask why.
Once you’ve uncovered the areas that are working and not working, the next step is to pinpoint the reasons why. This second part of giving feedback is key, because when you offer a reason why, you give a writer a way to evaluate and act on your feedback.
Take a step back to look at a piece of writing as a whole.
Even the most perfectly written scene needs to be cut if it doesn’t make sense in the book. By contrast, a character in a current draft may not be fleshed out well, but if that character is important to the book, you’d keep the character.
Those examples may seem obvious, but when you apply this thinking to the themes, arc and character of the book, your feedback creates a framework for an author to go deeper in the writing and improve.
Be constructive but critical.
The most frustrating feedback I’ve received on my writing was “I loved it.”
It gave me no information about the actual writing. While positive reactions are lovely for a review, as feedback, they’re worthless because they don’t give you a way to improve. Even the most hurtful, mean feedback can be useful if it gives you a way to produce a better next draft.
Recognize when it’s a matter of personal taste.
We all have preferences when it comes to reading, and these preferences can get in the way of giving useful feedback. It’s important to recognize how your personal opinion impacts the feedback you give.
For example, I love science fiction and have a very high tolerance for plots that don’t entirely fit together as long as the creativity of the characters and science in the writing are fun and interesting.
The feedback I give is always going to be more positive because I enjoy reading it. On the other hand, I do not like horror at all.
Gore makes me want to vomit, and the last thing I want when I’m reading is to feel tense and worried. The feedback I give will undoubtedly be tinged with my dislike of the genre.
Learn to separate your personal reaction from the message. Is the message clear?
Is it well written? Are there steps missing?
Are the characters drawn well? These are the pieces an author needs to know.
Treat the writing as a work in progress.
Unless you’re giving feedback on a completely finished piece of writing, it’s like there will be at least a few rough spots.
Instead of pointing out that they’re awful, try to see how those pieces would fit into the whole of the body of work. Identify what makes them unfinished. Figure out what more you’d need in order to fully see the writing and understand the meaning.
Try to imagine what the writing could be as a finished piece and then help the author fill in the blanks.
You are the final word on your writing — no matter how knowledgeable or experienced the person giving the feedback. Share on X
How to get feedback without having your head explode
Respond, don’t react.
What’s the difference? A reaction is automatic. It’s based on emotion.
A response is the result of careful thought, removing emotional from the equation and then acting in a manner that best supports what you need for yourself and your writing. If you have an emotional reaction to feedback, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that feedback on your work is not personal to you.
It’s a tool to help you. Try to look beyond the surface emotion and find the value of the feedback below.
Don’t make excuses or apologize for your work.
It’s easy to want to explain to your reader what they didn’t understand or why you made a choice you did. Instead, listen and evaluate. Why did your reader respond the way they did?
Can you change something in the writing to create a different response? You’re looking for something of value, something to help you and your writing.
Feedback isn’t always positive but it does create a path forward.
Purely positive feedback is great for your ego, but it does nothing to improve your writing. Let’s say someone reads an article you spent months researching and wrote painstakingly with love. A fellow writer reads it and says, “Wow, this is great!” Not helpful, is it?
The most wonderful, full-of-praise positive feedback is worthless if it doesn’t help you know what to do next.
What’s great? What did you like? What did you learn? Why did you like it?
Even the worst writing feedback can have value.
The worst feedback I ever received was in a novel writing class in grad school. One man read my work and told me he has no idea how anyone would ever read my writing. He said it was awful, boring to read and he couldn’t get through the first two pages.
I won’t lie, his feedback stung. Once I got past my bruised ego, I went back to read the opening pages of the book and realized, they really were boring.
I jumped right into exposition and explaining characters instead of creating a beginning that would draw in readers. (I still think he’s a jerk, though, for his choice of words.)
Ignore purely negative writing feedback with impunity.
Purely negative feedback is completely empty, although it doesn’t feel that way. Negative feedback just makes you feel shitty. It’s easy to take it to heart, but the reality is, “This sucks,” is as useless and empty as “This is great.”
Neither gives you any information about the writing, they only tell you the personal opinion of the reader.
How you address feedback is as important as your initial response.
Let’s say you receive some awful feedback on your work. It could be an editor complaining about your writing style or someone telling you your dialogue isn’t working.
Your initial response is important. You want to be able to ask questions and get as much information as possible. But it’s when you take that feedback and apply it to your work, that the real magic happens.
You can say no to the feedback you receive.
You know your work better than anyone. As long as you carefully consider the feedback, if the feedback doesn’t work for you, you can choose not to incorporate it into your next draft.
Be gracious.
It takes time and energy to read and respond to your work. Thank those who give you their time and attention.
Don’t take anything personally.
One of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz tells you never to take anything personally. Personal attacks on you and your writing aren’t about you. They are ALWAYS about the person giving feedback.
The key to feedback is finding the right people to offer input at the right time.
To quote this blog post from Seth Godin:
“Listening to the right people is a gift, a chance to learn about how to do better. Listening to the wrong people, particularly the early critics, is a trap. If you’re not careful, it can become a place to hide.”
I won’t lie. You’ll probably always feel a bit of that urge to hide when receiving feedback on your writing, but the more you give and get, the easier it becomes. Each piece of writing you edit with input from others expands your writing ability and craft for the next piece of writing and the next, and you’ll watch your writing and publishing grow.
You may even find yourself expectantly waiting for new feedback because you know what a positive impact it has on your work. And of course, you’ll want to find people to critique your work who know how to give kind, clear and constructive feedback as per the tips in this article.
