Confidence is an interesting phenomenon. You can have 99 positive interactions or good things happen, but all it takes is one piece of negative feedback and suddenly you’re a terrible writer/parent/person. Deep down, you know that’s not true, but it can be really hard to shake that feeling in the moment.
When you work on building your confidence regularly, you’ll gain the self-confidence to keep you going when everything falls apart. If you have a strong sense of self-confidence when things are going well, there is less of a chance that you’ll be knocked off course when things are not so great. For example, if you follow some of the steps below and know deep down that you’re a good writer, that one rejection might not throw you into a spiral like it would if your belief in yourself is already shaky.
Easier said than done, right? It doesn’t have to be!
Keep track of the positives.
Regularly acknowledging and feeling gratitude for the things that are going well in your life is a scientifically proven way to reduce stress, improve mental strength, build confidence and can even help you sleep better! Write down a couple of things you are thankful for each night before you go to sleep. Keep a running list on your computer of the great things that happen throughout the day. Put together a Word or Google doc that has all of your published articles.
Positive things don’t have to be huge, like getting a raise or landing a big writing gig. Those count, of course, but think about smaller wins:
- It finally stopped raining after three days straight
- You heard back from an editor and while she rejected your idea she said she’d love to hear more from you
- You got a pitch accepted
- You took some time to walk the dogs
- You got off your computer when your significant other came home and spent time watching TV together, etc.
Go through your day and come up with just two things that went well or that you could look at positively. It might be easier than you think.
Then, when you aren’t getting any assignments or it feels like your world is crashing down around you and you aren’t sure how you’ll pay your mortgage next month, pull out this list. Remind yourself of everything that has gone well for you recently and you’ll realize that this terrible time will pass.
When you work on building your confidence regularly, you’ll build a store of self-confidence to keep you going when everything falls apart. Share on XGet out of your head.
Sitting around in a downward spiral of your own thoughts staring blankly at your computer is not going to help. You need to get out of your head, one way or another. There are plenty of ways to do this, but a couple of the best are movement and meditation.
I said “movement” instead of exercise because it doesn’t have to be anything formal. Going for a run or to the gym or to a yoga class is wonderful, but a dance break or playing with your dog for a few minutes works, too. Physical movement will give you something else to think about, while releasing endorphins that make you feel good.
Just about everyone has heard of the benefits of meditation these days, and the proof is in the pudding — it really does help you clear and focus your mind. There are plenty of apps (like Headspace or 1 Giant Mind) that offer guided meditations from a single minute to 20 minutes or more. There isn’t a single person out there who can’t dedicate one minute to taking a few deep breaths.
When you’re first getting started, your mind is absolutely going to wander, so just let it wander. Recognize when you’re losing track of your mind and come back to the meditation. It’s called a meditation practice for a reason! Part of the goal is to learn to refocus your mind when it wanders, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Track your progress.
Setting and achieving goals is a powerful practice. When you have moments where you feel like you’ve done nothing, you can look back and see how you’ve made steps — or even accomplished — your goals. You can look back at where you started and see how far you’ve come.
Start with your big goal — like writing a book — and break into smaller, more manageable steps. A few examples might be:
- Putting together an outline
- Setting aside 15 minutes to write each day
- Writing 2,000 words each week
- Finishing one chapter by next month
- Joining a writing community for support
- Reaching out to two potential agents per week
Join a community.
Find a writing community where you can share your ups and your downs. Surround yourself with other writers to boost you up when you’re feeling down and celebrate your successes when things are going well. It will do wonders for your confidence to talk with other writers and have a support system.
No one is perfect.
Above all else, cut yourself some slack. In the age of social media and Instagram filters, it may seem like everyone has their lives together except you. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Social media is turning into a real problem, as people compare themselves to others and are left feeling inadequate and unheard.
There’s actually something called social media depression that is affecting many people. According to PsychCentral, “the desire to be seen positively has taught us to silence our troubles and we now have no idea how to express inner turmoil without feeling like we’re accepting social defeat.”
What you see is not always the truth, and everyone struggles in some way. You aren’t alone.
We live in a busy, noisy world where we face daily challenges to prove ourselves good enough and it’s easy to lose track of who you really are. Writers are also notoriously hard on themselves. Maybe it’s the nature of an industry where rejection is expected, but when you focus on the good you do and improving yourself and the world around you, it’s easier to ignore the things that don’t matter and feel confident about the things that do.
